baby girl at adoption agency
9Dec

Ask your adoption agency and counseling service

Telling your adoption story to friends and family can be hard because you hope they will support your decision. Once you’ve chosen adoption, you’ll eventually have to decide which people in your life to tell about your adoption plans. If you’re nervous about starting that conversation, you can reach out to adoption consultants for support.

Birth Mothers 

Who you tell about your decision to place a child for adoption is up to you. Some birth mothers only inform people they feel will be supportive. There may be a small circle of close friends or family, or it can include almost everyone you know.

Your situation is unique, and what you choose to share is personal. The decision to adopt is yours and based on what you believe is best for your baby. Not everyone will agree with you. They may view it as “giving up” the baby rather than a thoughtful and loving choice. Your family should listen carefully, especially to the advice you may have received from adoption consultants about your options.

Adoptive Parents

If you have opened your heart to adopting a child, you are providing a forever home to a child whose birth parent could not do so. You have special circumstances that brought you to this decision, and many people close to you may already be aware that you were considering this option. Others may not, as you may have chosen to keep things private until the lengthy process was complete. Only you can be sure when you are ready to share your adoption story with family and friends and the details you want to share.

Adoption Advice and Language

Whether you have chosen to give a baby for adoption or adopt a child into your home, an adoption professional can help you tell your story to family and friends with advice about starting the conversation.

Discuss your family dynamics with a counselor and provide insight into close friendships to help them develop the best approach for explaining your adoption plan. Telling people your adoption story is tough, especially when they don’t have much experience with adoption. You may have spent months learning about the process yourself before making the decision, and they’ll need to catch up.

Before beginning the conversation about adoption, it helps to learn positive adoption language. People react to negative words and phrases like “giving a baby up for adoption” and miss the emotion behind a loving plan to place a child with parents who may have gone to considerable lengths to have their own child unsuccessfully. Adoption is a solution for both birth mothers and parents who seek an alternative to grow a family. The focus is on what is best for the child and their future.

Positive adoption language talks about birth mothers who “place a baby for adoption” and parents who choose to tell an adoption story about how the child came into the family. It will be a story shared with the child very early on so they understand and accept that families are formed in many different ways.

Conversations with Family and Friends

Check-in with an adoption specialist for advice and talk about what you might want to say to specific people. Remember that you don’t have to explain anything and can simply keep things private.

A few things to keep in mind:

If you think certain family or friends will be supportive, this is the best place to start. After a positive conversation, you will feel stronger when facing those who are less receptive. Involve your advocates in discussions for more confidence.

Sometimes you may think you know how family and friends will react, but there is an unexpected response instead. Try to approach each person neutrally and without expectations.

If a pregnancy or adoption process is still a secret, consider only disclosing the immediate situation. Telling people about an unplanned pregnancy and adoption plan all at once could be overwhelming. The same can be said for a decision to adopt a child and sharing all the details and expectations. Let people know you are exploring your options until an opportunity presents itself or the timing seems right.

Know What to Expect

An adoption agency and counseling service help answer nagging questions like:

  • What happens if you tell someone you are pregnant and placing your child for adoption and they’re unexpectedly supportive? What happens if they become judgmental instead and try to change your mind?
  • What if you share the decision to adopt a child from a local agency and friends and family are excited? What if you’re contemplating adopting a child from another culture or race and they become skeptical? 

Adoption consultants have been through it all and reinforce your decisions so you can handle any disappointments. Agency staff members, caseworkers, and counselors may be birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents themselves. They’ve had these conversations with their families, along with multiple clients in similar situations.

Some reactions from friends and family can be hurtful. Try to understand their viewpoint and give them time to digest your news. It may be easier to talk after emotions die down. They may not understand how modern adoptions work. Explain what you’ve learned about adoption or have them speak with your adoption expert.

Supporting Your Decision

Whether family and friends are supportive or not, you’ll have a community of other birth parents and families who share the adoption experience to support you. Your adoption agency, staff, and counselors are always there to help with information and resources. Remember all the things that ultimately helped you decide that adoption was the right choice. You’ve made an educated decision based on your situation and perspective.

Before discussing an unplanned pregnancy or adoption plan with family members and friends, talk to a local adoption agency and counseling service. Heart of Adoptions Alliance can help you choose the right words and the best time to explain adoption stories. We bring birth mothers and adoptive parents together. You can also reach us at 866-432-7860 or [email protected] to learn about different types of adoptions.

23Nov

Thoughts about the holiday season come about in the fall, which stirs up anticipation and excitement for many parents and children. Some families celebrate traditions and plan gatherings. You may get wrapped up in your typical festivities and expect your older, adopted child to experience the same joy. But the traditions that can be enjoyable for you can bring up complicated feelings or memories for older, adopted children.

Bonding with an adopted child can take time. Adopting an older child comes with additional considerations about their past. Your first holiday season with your child will require a little preparation and extra thought to help put everyone at ease. Here are some tips to navigate it with care.

Discuss Their Traditions

If you have adopted an older child, they may have some previous traditions that are special to them. If they are from a different cultural or religious background, learn about their typical customs. Ask your child what holds special meaning to them. By blending their holiday traditions with yours, you can make new memories as a family. 

Manage Your Expectations

You might have a special feeling toward a specific holiday, but an older, adopted child may not. Communicate with them to let them know their feelings are normal. Your anticipation of enjoyment and sense of family may elevate during the holidays, but it may heighten their feelings of loss instead. Acknowledge their emotions and be there to listen.

Schedule Thoughtfully

Try not to overcommit to gatherings and parties, especially if this is your first holiday season as a family. Meeting so many new friends and relatives may be overwhelming to your child. They may find more comfort in small get-togethers at your home.

Prepare Everyone

Talk to your child about traditions you have and the meaning behind them. Prepare them upfront for any gatherings by providing details of what will take place. You can also have conversations with friends and family about your child, so they can make them feel more comfortable in their presence. 

Include Their Biological Family

Everyone’s adoption situation is unique. If you maintain contact with your child’s biological parent(s), arrange a time for them to celebrate a meaningful holiday. If you do not have contact with the birth parent(s), you can still acknowledge them throughout your traditions. 

Adopting an older child means they have already experienced their own holiday season outside of your family. Openly communicating throughout the holidays is a great practice to ease your child into new events and traditions. Recognize that they might withdraw or exhibit bad behavior. This is entirely normal with older, adopted children. It is a huge period of adjustment for everyone.

If you are looking for guidance to help you navigate the upcoming holiday season with a newly adopted, older child, reach out to Heart of Adoptions Alliance. Call 866-432-7860 or email us at [email protected]. We can help connect you with helpful resources to ensure a successful first holiday season as a new family.

Teen in FOster Care
10Nov

The teenage years are a crucial period during a child’s development. Adopting and parenting a foster child through those years adds a layer of complexity. Acknowledging your child’s past and implementing these helpful strategies will allow a smoother transition into your home. 

Communicate Openly About Adoption

Talking openly about your child’s past and adoption options will build trust with them. While sharing some details of your child’s history may seem challenging, it is essential to be fully transparent about why you want to pursue adoption. Stay positive and validate any feelings that surface for your child to involve them in the decision. Help your child get to know who their birth parents are, even if there is no relationship established. These conversations can be difficult, so remain patient and ask for help from professionals who know what you are going through.

Encourage Your Young Adult’s Independence

During their teenage years, your child is transitioning to adulthood and will need to learn independence. This process is different for each child. Define clear boundaries for them while allowing more freedom as your child is ready. Past trauma may delay their comfort in being independent. It is helpful to communicate with your child and give them a voice in decisions and responsibilities. Remind them that you are open and available to talk when they need you.

Establish your values regarding risky behaviors while encouraging wise choices. Allow them to explore their identity while living within the value system that is important to your family. Continue to reassure them that they are a valued member of your family.

Support Your Foster Child’s Mental Health

One week in October is dedicated to mental health awareness, but it is critical all the time. Any teenager can experience intense emotions, and that can be amplified for adopted foster children. Common emotions for your child to experience are grief, confusion, and insecurity. Some signs that your child might need professional guidance include:

  • Anger management issues
  • Extreme mood swings
  • Participation in risky behavior

If you notice any troubling indicators, find a specialist for your child to see. Many counselors understand both the foster system and adoption options. As a parent, you might also look into adoption services like support groups or counseling. You are not the first parent to raise an adopted foster child, so lean on others for guidance.

Discipline Adopted Teenagers Effectively

Teenagers want to push boundaries when it comes to rules. An adopted foster child will require a little extra care when disciplining because certain punishments may trigger past trauma. Be specific about the rules you are setting so that everyone is clear. Involve them in the process while being realistic about their maturity level. If you can model calm behavior during a frustrating time, it will be beneficial to your child. Reward positive behavior by pointing out things they are doing well.  

Adopting a foster child to grow your family is a beautiful and challenging experience. Working to understand their past and openly communicating will allow you to transition them into your loving home. Heart of Adoptions Alliance can provide you with adoption services, resources, and support through this journey. Reach out to our experienced professionals at 866-432-7860 or [email protected].

1Nov

November is national adoption month. If you’re pregnant and thinking about adoption, it’s a great time to ask questions and get answers. You love your baby and have a difficult decision to make about their future.

Create a list of the best adoption agencies for birth mothers in your state and find out which adoption option is a better choice for you and your baby.

How Can Adoption Help Me?

Adoption is a complex emotional and legal process to permanently place your baby with adoptive parents. Adoption professionals don’t view mothers as “giving kids up for adoption,” but finding the right solution for your child’s future that gives another couple a chance to grow their family. Reaching out to learn more details is easy.

Where Do I Begin?

Reading this article is the beginning of your search for information. Speak to other birthmothers (women who have been through the adoption process) and get counseling and support through a local adoption agency.

How Long Does the Adoption Process Take?

How long an adoption process can take will depend on your state laws, the time needed to match you with potential adoptive parents and sign the consent papers.

When Can I Place My Child?

Developing an adoption plan can happen at any time. But legal consent to adopt is given after your baby is born.

What are Adoption Costs?

There is no cost to women who are considering adoption. The adoptive family manages expenses.

Can I Get Paid?

You are eligible for pregnancy-related expenses, not for placing your baby.

Does the Baby’s Father Need to Know?

Adoption laws vary by state, and we recommend consulting your adoption specialist and attorney for details. Generally, birthmothers should inform birth father’s about adoption plans, but it may not be possible in certain situations. 

What Happens if the Birthfather Disagrees with My Decision?

Birth father rights vary by state, but an attorney can explain how you might pursue an adoption plan without him. 

Who Can Adopt My Baby?

Prospective parents must go through a [process of background checks], including criminal, financial, and medical screenings.

How Do I Find Adoptive Parents?

Adoption agencies keep a list of current approved, potential adoptive parents. You might also look online or discover information through family, friends, or other acquaintances.

What are the Good Qualities of Adoptive Parents?

Put a list of criteria together that describes what you’re looking for, and an agency can search for families that match it.

How Do I Find the Right Family?

An adoption agency will present you with couples that reflect your preferences to read about them, speak to them, or choose to meet them.

Will Adoptive Parents Love My Child as Their Own?

Adoptive parents want to grow their family and are not concerned with their child’s biological connection. They want to share their home and love.

Can I Pick Temporary Adoptive Parents?

Signing legal papers permanently severs your parental rights to your child.

Can Birthmothers Change Their Mind?

You can change your mind before signing the parental consent papers. In many states, the window of opportunity after the placement will vary, and your attorney can offer further information.

Can Adoptive Parents Change Their Mind?

Adoptive parents can change their minds until consent papers are signed. Then they become the legal parents of your child and responsible for their child’s well-being and future.

When Do I Give My Baby to the Adoptive Parents?

Placements usually happen shortly after the birth in the hospital. You may be able to take your child home or put them in care when considering your options.

Can I Say Goodbye to My Baby?

Part of the adoption plan helps determine the time you can spend with your baby after the birth and the level of involvement the adoptive parents can have before, during, and after the delivery. Many birth mothers and parents today choose to celebrate the birth together and continue a relationship.

Will I See My Child After the Adoption?

Open and semi-open adoptions let you maintain different levels of relationships with your child and their family.

How Do I Decide on a Comfortable Level of Contact?

It may be hard to know at first. Over time you and the adoptive parents find a comfortable solution and build on it.

Will I Feel Regret?

Every woman is different, but despite the difficult decision, many believe it was the right one.

Will My Child Hate Me?

Children react differently to adoption. If your relationship with your child continues, you and the adoptive family can discuss the difference between “giving kids up for adoption” and placing a child with a loving family that offers them a better future. 

Search your area for the best adoption agencies for birth mothers. If you are in Florida, contact us at 866-432-7860 or [email protected] to explore your adoption options, get professional legal advice, and hear success stories.

foster child with mom
14Oct

As a foster parent, choosing to adopt is a life-changing event that lets you grow your family while giving a foster child their forever home. Both of you will be experiencing a lot of thoughts and emotions. If you are considering adopting a foster child or have already chosen to do so, it is essential to understand how to talk to the child about it. An accredited adoption service provider can explain why you should bring up the discussion as early as possible and tailor it to children of different ages.

Talking to your child about the adoption process:

  • Allows the child to understand their biological makeup. Your child may or may not have a relationship with their birth parents, but they should understand that their genetics are different from yours. This can be helpful as they get older and encounter health questions or medical issues.
  • Let’s them hear the adoption story from you. As your child gets older, chances increase for a friend or family member to comment on their adoption in front of them. Learning that information from somebody else could be traumatic for both of you.
  • Acknowledges the child’s feelings surrounding the relationship with their birth parents. As your child matures, they can make their own choices about seeking more information. Withholding adoption information takes that choice away and can lead to resentment later in life.

Accredited Adoption Service Provider Studies to Guide You

Research suggests beginning the adoption conversation right away, knowing that it will be an ongoing conversation throughout your child’s life. You don’t need to share everything immediately, especially when they are young. Adoption consultants recommend starting with some basic language and letting the discussion grow naturally over time. Professionals can help break down how to talk about adoption with your child based on age and emotional development.

Tips for Introducing Adoption to Foster Children of All Ages

Babies: You can begin introducing the topic just by using the word “adoption” around your baby. Use loving sentences such as, “Your mother and I are so happy we got to adopt you, and we love you so much.”

Toddlers: Children become very curious as toddlers, so your child might begin asking questions. Use simple statements that begin to share your adoption story. You can also start reading children’s books to them about adoption.

School-Aged Children: At this age, you can begin sharing more detailed information about their past. Prepare your child for questions they may get from classmates about why they make look different from you. Your child will begin asking you more specific questions about their birth parents or the adoption.

Teenagers: If you are adopting a teenager, understand they are forming their identity as a person. Always be transparent but give them space to grow. Recognize that they are heavily influenced by various factors, including social media and peers at school.

Patience Builds Healthy Adoptive Families, Not Perfection

Regardless of age, continuously remind your child that they are loved and a valuable part of your family. You do not need to have all the answers, and keeping an open line of communication will help everyone work through issues. These are opportunities to strengthen your relationship, learn, and grow.

Continue to have patience and grace with yourself and your child. You decided to adopt out of love and a longing to grow your family, so keep that at the center of all conversations. You can always reach out to Heart of Adoptions Alliance at 866-432-7860 or [email protected] to speak with our adoption consultants and ask about additional resources.

woman hugging adopted child
5Oct

An unplanned pregnancy comes with many difficult decisions, and many will consider giving a child for adoption. Some decide to begin raising the child, but due to a variety of life circumtances, they may find their way into foster care. In each case, biological parents and adoptive families will need to create a plan about the level of communication that will benefit everyone involved, especially the child. The path you choose is very personal, but you don’t need to make it alone.

Levels of communication between biological and adoptive parents are broken down into three choices. Each offers different levels of interaction and has pros and cons. Making a loving plan will allow everyone to enter into an agreement with clear expectations. Ultimately, as the birth mother, you need to choose what makes you feel the most comfortable.

Open Adoptions

Generally, open adoption means there is ongoing contact between the birth and adoptive parents after the process is complete. Both parties work with an attorney to draw up a contract so that the agreement is in writing. Most adoptions in the US are open to some degree. This option continues to evolve as researchers study the benefits of continued contact.

Pros:

  • It reassures you that you have done what is best for the child.
  • The child knows their background, and there are no secrets.

Cons:

  • Boundaries can be blurred or contractual agreements misinterpreted by one party.
  • Expectations may not be met by one or both sides.

Semi-Open Adoptions

In a semi-open adoption, non-identifying information can be exchanged between the birth and adoptive parents. Typically, it is facilitated by a third party. It is a middle-ground option for birth parents who do not want to cut off all communication but are not ready to be in direct contact.

Pros:

  • Privacy on both sides is protected.
  • You continue to hear about your child’s well-being, offering peace of mind.

Cons:

  • Contact may be lost over time.
  • Technology makes complete privacy difficult.

Closed Adoptions

Closed adoption does not allow any identifying information to be exchanged, the parties do not meet each other, and there is no contact once the adoption is finalized. It is truly an anonymous process. Closed adoptions are becoming less common. Depending on state laws, the birth mother may request more communication should she change her mind.

Pros:

  • Allows for closure and for you to move on with your life.
  • It reduces feelings of doubt stirred up through regular communication.

Cons:

  • The child will not know their background, including medical history.
  • You may experience lingering feelings of curiosity about the child.

Giving a child for adoption is an emotional time, regardless of the age of the child, and adoption choices may seem overwhelming. The level of ongoing communication you want to maintain with the adoptive parents is an important decision. Heart of Adoption Alliance caseworkers will be by your side through the process and place you with a match who agrees with and respects your wishes. Contact us to discuss concerns at [email protected]. We will find your child a loving home providing a level of interaction with which you feel comfortable.